home.

So.
Easter was on Sunday. It meant alot more to me this year than it has in years past. Celebrating because of the salvation of friends & family. Rejoicing that my cousin has begun her eternity with Him. But at the same time as it held so much meaning to me, it made me miss my cousin alot more. You know, dealing with death is one of those things that I have never had the same reaction to. I've been to alot of funerals. I've known alot of people whose mom or dad died. Then some friends. and then my cousin. And everytime I've dealt with it differently. I just miss her. I miss that you take things for granted when you assume it'll be a certain way for awhile. Most if not all of my childhood memories have her in them. We were the only girls so we just stuck together. It's weird that my aunt would say I'm the oldest niece now. The oldest granddaughter on that side. It's weird that I won't be going to track meets anymore, or having her make me that dinner of marshmallow and peanut butter sandwhiches. To think about the last conversation you've had with someone, it's weird. All of it is just weird. It's been a month tomorrow since she died and I just need to get it out. Get it out that it's weird. That I miss her. That I miss and hate the thoughts of how things won't ever be the same, and how things will be from now on. Christmas and all that. Yet, as I sit here, I'm listening to the CD she listened to the last couple days before she died, and it's so hard to sit in absolute sorrow. One of the first things the pastor said at her funeral was "Lindsey's okay now, because she's with God"....she's okay now....she's healed. She isn't in PAIN. At all. And won't ever ever ever a day or second or moment in her life know the pain that is cancer. EVER. And to attempt to fathom that...it's impossible.

Just thoughts....this is a song from the CD collection she loved and listened to as her days on this earth came to a close..I love you and miss you cous.....it's like your dad said....you ran the race, and you ran it well; well done. Well done.

Come as you are,
Come and drink from living water,
that flows from His hands.
Come as you are,
come and bath in the healing water,
cleansing from sin, receiving new life.
Draw near to Him and He'll draw near to you
He's been waiting for you to call on His name
So come, come and draw near. Come as you are.