Saturday, June 13, 2009

I'm determined to break the familiar.
To do away with routine.
Nothing destroys faith faster than complacency and nothing brings complacency on more than routine.

Our lives are so wrapped up in so much crap. I'm guilty of it. I'm probably more guilty of it than most. I blog, twitter, Facebook, MySpace, and tumblr every. single. day. and text more than any human should and own a fancy little cell phone with the capacity to do all of these things, on the go, adding to my ridiculous fast-paced way of living.

I haven't been driving a year yet (long story. another post, another day.), but I already find myself in a hurry. Constantly.

I am positive that God has called me to break some of the cycles and bonds of my generation--the business, the confusion, the chaos--and so I know that some of the best moments to learn and practice these things is now. 

Why is that in summertime everyone (again, myself being the chief) loses their inabition and just kind of does whatever the heck they want, etc. etc. It's like this constant "SUMMER 09 TIME FOR FUN AND FREEDOM!!!", just another slogan of perfection enticing the entire world.

I am really, really struggling. 
To find purpose. To find reason. To find the point. 
What am I supposed to be learning this summer?
What am I supposed to be doing?
What am I supposed to pass on and what am I supposed to grab a hold of?

I'm getting really sick and tired of this cycle.
I've been home a little over a month now, a little over 30 days...
and my spirit is stirring. longing. waiting. holding out.
I cannot live my life--just getting by. I did that for too long.
I have a literal aching in my bones to go out and help people.
To do for people in Atlanta what I did for people in Chattanooga.
To pray for people and to press on with reckless faith.

I don't feel like I've done anything.
And I get very well that God wants me to rest, because I became exhausted to the point of literal physical illness this Spring. 
So is that it?

My soul is aching.
My spirit is weary of the mundane.


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