I'm just having one of those nights.

One of those I really suck at life and don't have it nearly as all together as you think nights.

Sometimes I try my hardest to be vulnerable in attempts to show people that I'm very weak.

I'm struggling a lot this summer in figuring out purpose and time management and lessons and all. I know that these next two years are the most significant of my life to date. I guess you could make that argument for every year of your life and it just builds--but in these next two years I'm going to go from a "calling" to seeing it unfold. I'm going to learn the necessary things to become a counselor and I'm going to have to spend a lot of time having hard conversations in attempts to be the best friend, student, and family member I can be. I'm going to have to get serious about school work and priorities.

Tonight I'll be honest in that I hate the whole phrase "called to ministry." I know that people are going to disagree and go against that my whole life and that's fine, but tonight I'm sick of explaining myself and I'm sick of feeling like every one else at Lee University thinks the same thing yet half live a lifestyle in complete opposition to that. I know that's not my business and it's not my situation to look at--but it really, really gets to me. I hate the way that so many "Christian" people set the stage for all Christians when they life a very open lifestyle of opposition. 

I guess all I've got left is I'm a work in progress.

And tonight I have to be okay with that.

(those who know sorrow-

their closest to His heart)