life is such a funny, crazy thing.

i was full of so much peace, but lately anxiety and depression have been creeping in again.

will this be a cycle i deal with my whole life or is it really possible to be freed from it?

i don't have an answer.

but regardless, there are so many things i need right now. from actual needs: a job to have money for a car, a car to get to a job to make money. to physical needs: sleep, insurance to get to the doctor's office, relief. to spiritual needs: peace, faith, perseverance.

i'm learning. i know that. but it's difficult.

my heart is still healing from a situation that not only ended, but ended badly.

my mind is still battling perspective, hope, etc.

most days, i'm okay with life right now, because i know it's not forever.

other days, i'm honestly not sure how i'll ever make it out of this. living at home. single. jobless. carless. pathetic sounding, isn't it?

i just have to believe that the Lord is doing something. i need faith. i need to see with His eyes.

of course my pride is stepping in, because i'm worried people are going to think i'm lazy and not driven when in fact, my days are full of cleaning, reading, learning, writing, etc... but i'm afraid people aren't going to SEE anything on the outside, so they assume i'm doing nothing. i've been feeling completely bad lately too... worse then ever in this almost 7 month journey i've been on since the official diagnosis in late january.

something beautiful is coming.

i will believe that.