Well, the cycle of "perfect" days isn't exactly still in session, but I can't complain too much.

I haven't blogged about this topic before (I don't think anyway) but it sums up my life these days, so here it goes.

Around my senior year in HS I really felt like God first began to tell me that He was creating in me the things needed to be a person who would go into ministry at some point. I received it, but didn't give it a whole lot of thought. As the year went on, God clearly spoke to me through many various means that the man He created for me was going to be in ministry and that I was to be his helpmate and to stick by his side as he balanced the lifestyle of ministry, with raising a family and providing and all of these things. That delighted my heart, because I was involved in some leadership roles at the time, and thought I could very easily get used to that lifestyle. Well, clearly the life lived in ministry is a very selfless and at times exhausting life, and I began to wonder if I really was cut out for it. Well, my first year at Lee presented a lot of various internal conflicts and differences and I found myself running from anything God or others told me about ministry. I was sure that there was some sort of miscommunication between God and I, because surely He wasn't calling me to give up my life for the sake of His people. Surely He wasn't calling me to abandon some of the dreams I've had for a very long time, and surely, if anything, He would never ever call me to do anything that took me from my family and/or America. I remember so many nights telling God "You better not call me to do something crazy with my life, because I get one shot, and You better not ask me to give up that one shot by sacrificing my life for needy people." I remember hearing His voice so clearly. Clearer than I ever had before, but out of anger to an extent and out of selfishness I tried to push it aside. Instead of God changing His mind for me, I think all that happened was He spoke louder and clearer. People I didn't know would confirm the things God was telling me and that shook me up. I wasn't familiar with a background in the prophetic too much, nor had I had many words spoken over my life, not that exact anyway. Well, it became summer and I remember writing one night in my journal, that I was finally giving it all up, and that if God could just REALLY make it clear that upcoming fall semester at Lee that I would go for it with everything I've got. Well, be careful what you pray for sometimes and be careful what you tell God.
Because He rocked my world this fall.
He took everything in my life and He replaced it with an unquenchable passion and faith.
He took everything about my mind and taught me how to have faith that can move mountains.
He took my heart and gave it to the least of these.
And now, clear as day, no questions asked, He's called me to give up my life for the needy.

He's called me to go places, far places and near places and pray for the sick in faith that they will be healed. To talk to people and write down their stories and write a book that He's going to use for His glory to touch people. To pray with full faith that He would send people my way, and when He does completely obey with faith that one conversation can change their entire life. I'm going to be in America doing this ministry, and I'm going to be far away from America doing this ministry. I am going to be the helpmate of someone who God is calling to do these exact same things.

There are moments even now, when I find myself annoyed and telling God "Why are you taking away the "fun" time of my life and sending me out to the needy? Why can't we wait till after?"
but He quietly tells me, I'm preparing you.
I'm making you the right one. I'm giving you a taste of a portion of what's ahead.

Don't get me wrong,
It is insanely rewarding.
It's BEAUTIFUL.
But it's hard. It's the lifestyle of constant attack, of the Enemy working hard aganist you, but it's also the lifestyle of seeing people smile who haven't smiled in years. Being the arms of love around someone who hasn't been hugged in years. Nothing in all this world compares to seeing faces of the broken light up. I'm telling you, I've looked into the eyes of people, seen straight to their heart, just to look at them again and see that Jesus met them personally.

It is by far the biggest honor in the world to know that I was a physical representation of Jesus to someone.
It
blows
me
away.