I have so much to praise God for.

So much.

My heart is willing, but my flesh is weak.

I was talking to Mom the other night about how such drastic attacks by the Enemy are a confirmation I'm doing God's will and that I'm doing it effectively.

Effectiveness.
That's that one thing that burns inside of me. That one thing I want more than I want anything else. Some want acceptance. Some want consistency (which would be my second thing.). Some want assurance. Some want prosperity.
But above anything else, I want effectiveness. I want it for my friendships and I want it for my time on this Earth.

I'm struggling right now to hear God's voice on my behalf.
I don't like school. I have lost my love for learning more and more, and found my love for service. I've lost my drive to have some fantastic career that people will remember and have found that I don't want to be remembered by some of the people I touch most, because I only want them to see Jesus. I've lost my motivation to learn about the subjects of universities and found my motivation to learn about missions, culture, language, people, and service. I feel like I'm living in one big paradox right now, trying to figure out where the heck I'm supposed to go and how the heck I'm supposed to get there.

If I don't keep going to Lee and get my degree right now, will I ever?
If I stay and Lee and get my degree will I use it ever?
If I stay in the area and serve is that the door that I'll find my opportunity?
If I leave and go to ministry school am I going to miss out on a chance to do something here?
Do any of these situations matter to the Lord? As long as I love Him and listen to His voice, the actual place I'm living shouldn't matter should it? Or does it?

I am asking for clarity.
I'm nervous to ask that, because it's garenteed to come in a way and shape and form that I most likely will not be expecting.

Oh well, bring it on.
This life is almost too good to be true sometimes.