I'm back, again! I keep debating about writing on here again or not and usually keep coming back to "not".

So much has happened since I've written last & I honestly don't think a single person reads this, but I didn't want to get rid of my account because I love leaving comments on the blogs I follow.

Where am I now and where have I been?

I've been...

Trying. Struggling. Learning. Growing. Figuring it all out. Changing. I've been in TN and CA and Europe. I've been at the doctor's office... A lot. I've been trying to get my health issues in order. I've been trying a lot of things. To gain peace in my life. To let go of anxiety. To be freed from things that are trying to consume me. I've been trying to stay connected and not become isolated even though that's what I'm tempted to do. I've been trying to stay beautiful (quite literally) as I learn about skin care & get better makeup & cut all my hair off (seriously.) and try new styles. I've been praying for the people I love. I've been trying to stay in constant communication with my Heavenly Father, who, at the end of this crazy season I'm in, will be faithful.

It's exciting to know God is about to come through for you. To know that from May of 2010-December of 2010 I lived by far the best, most challenging, full of faith, exciting, healing season of my entire life... quickly followed by Jan of this year till now which has been by far, the hardest, most difficult season of my life. But.... He's about to show up. It's how life works, breakdown then breakthrough. brokenness then healing.

He's good and I believe that. I have to believe that my Jesus is good. That He's somehow working and moving me forward even though I've never felt more stuck in my life. Lying awake at night with anxiety because I literally have NO resources or means at the moment, so I'm single. Living at home. jobless. and carless. Oh, and 22 and a college graduate. I feel like I've messed something up maybe. I feel a lot of things. My health is failing and my body is literally being forced into doing what it was naturally created to do, but with no success. I am looking at possible surgeries (which will leave me completely unable to have children) and other options. Trying my best to believe in the healing power of my God, but also realizing I am not entitled or owed health. I am not owed anything. Health is a gift, it's not something earned or deserved. I don't have my health right now... {You give & take away, but my heart will choose to say, LORD Blessed be Your name!!!!!} but maybe I will be given the blessing of earthly healing. But maybe I won't. And if I'm not, Blessed be the name of the Lord!

I'm starting cosmetology school in August. I literally... I've wanted to do that forever. I've seen myself there for years.... SO excited for the opportunities and the blessings that will come out of this!!! I don't have any idea how God's going to use it as a ministry, but I know He will. He's reassured me that He's about to do something crazy with all of this. I also am looking at a potential job starting in August too...and as long as I can take classes at night, I will be working all day and going to school till late at night... Oh, the life that thousands before me have lived.

Hoping and belieivng good things for all of you.

BLESSED be His name!