today was medicine to my soul. healing to my bones. refreshing.

i feel clean. i feel new. i feel cherished. i feel protected.

and it’s not because of a boy. or a church service. or a friend. or someone who bears the name of preacher. or my family. even though all of those things may add to it…

but i feel that way because of jesus.

in a constant battle over the past several months to choose joy instead of sorrow and peace instead of anxiety and faith instead of doubt, i’ve lost in at times.

i feel a lot of things on a constant basis. but is not the heart deceitful above all things? but now there’s a difference because not only do i feel those things, but i believe them to be true.

i believe i am clean. i believe i am new. i believe i am cherished. i believe i am protected.

my heart and my mind are fighting. they have been for months. what my heart was so sure of, my head wasn’t. and what my head was so sure of my heart didn’t connect to it.

i’m thankful tonight for friendship, for conversations over dinner, for people who speak life, for being weak-because He’s making me stronger.i’m thankful for lunch with my brother, who is one of the greatest men of God of this generation. i’m thankful for rain because not only did it cool the temperature down, but it literally produced the most beautiful, bright, vivid, awe-inspiring rainbow i think i’ve ever seen. i’m thankful that there are people in my life who were strong when i was weak and believed when i didn’t so that i could make it through this rut i’ve been stuck in.

i believe the best is yet to come.

i believe.