dreams..

So for the past several years, particuraly since my freshman year of highschool when a friend of mine Ryan commited suicide I have had really bad nightmares. I have woken up many times in the middle of the night literally screaming or crying out of fear. They always involve lots of blood and lots of dying. Always. It is usually about someone close to me and it can get so real sometimes I rush into school or downstairs to make sure the person is still there. It's CRAZY some of the images that are in those nightmares...bloody knives covering our lawn, someone hanging in my closest.....stuff that I don't have any idea how they get into my mind. For awhile it just made me think I was crazy, but my dad would say that Satan used nightmares to make me afraid....and so he would pray each night that I would have better dreams....that I wouldn't be afraid anymore. Slowly by surely the nightmares have become less frequent....now I have very few a month opposed to nightly or even weekly ones. Since then, my dreams are still VERY vivid, very often still with CRAZY things, but I look at it as God using my dreams now. Every morning I pray for the people I dreamed about, and now my dreams are very symbolic and have inspired many poems and stories, and not to mention (maybe thanks to LeeU I believe this) but I have shared some of my dreams with people and God's been able to use that, so praise be to Him. Anyways, all this to say: (I'm such a girl. Bro always talks about how funny it is that girls have to say one thing by saying 50 things first, when boys can just get straight to the point.)

Dreams are a pretty big deal to me.

For some reason I've been dreaming about my cousin Lindsey a lot lately. When she first died (last March for those of you who didn't know...) I dreamed every night about her. That she wasn't really dead, or that I was trying to explain to my little cousins about Heaven and what it meant to die. I would dream that we would be talking. Sometimes I dreamed I was in Heaven talking to her and sometimes she would be here.
I would most be effected by the ones with me talking to my little cousins because it was so hard for me to know that at the age of 4 which is how old my youngest cousin is, my grandpa and great-grandma died when I was young like that, and now I really cannot remember much at all about them....and I hate the idea of them not remembering her.
Anyways last night I dreamed that I was confused about if she died or not, that my aunt and uncle kept her body in their house because they were to afraid to let her go........

It's just hard sometimes. When you think all day about someone, then you can't even get away from it in your sleep.
That you wake up, and it's your first thought....you retell the dream throughout the day....then you dream about it again.

This all brings me to the next point.
I honestly wonder if God allows people to talk to us through our dreams?
I wonder if not, if dreams are still how God helps us deal with the loss of people we love.
I most definitely believe in prophetic dreams, I believe God has given people prophetic dreams over me and I believe vice versa....

Just yet another thing I....
don't understand.